And how would you like your rant?

Let me take some time to tell you about a little thing I like to call customer service.

Service is a horrific industry by any standards, especially if you are unfortunate enough to be in its employ. You can put in all the long hard hours you want and the most you will show for it, is the return of customers wanting more from you.  Not to say that all customers are ungrateful, some seem genuinely pleased that you found the effort to serve them their overpriced meal/coffee/elephant pounder with dual speed vibration and realistic texture. In fact some people are so glad that they with throw their two pennies worth of change into your tip jar. Why, if they buy one coffee a day, everyday for a year, you’ll get a whole $7.28 to buy a gaudy dollar store necktie to hang yourself with. To be fair however, why would anyone pay me extra to get them something that they are paying too much for anyway? These two-penny tippers could be quite justified in their frugal donations.

The people who shall never in this existence know my compassion or favour are the regulars. Now before you all take up arms, let me explain the difference between the regulars, and the valued customers. The valued customers come in regularly and are kind, interesting, and show glittering sparkles of human spirit. These customers bring us shining moments in which we believe the service industry isn’t all that bad, and leave us thinking we might keep our job for one more week. Then there are the regulars. These people come into your business everyday, since they are disgusting creatures of habit, and could care less if your head was on fire, just as long as you get them their decaf soy cappuccino. These people have a deluded belief that since they are in everyday, they deserve a level of commitment unbeknownst to most mortal men. Well, I take a crap on my toilet once a day, but I sure as hell don’t expect it to send me flowers. 

Just so you know….


  1. Pete

    So, you hold no stock in customer loyalty?
    And you expect every customer to be your friend?

  2. roderick de jesus

    i completely agree with you. I work in an italian coffee shop and most of the customers are regulars, but they aren’t the nicest folk in the world.
    there is a definitive line between the regular, and the valued customer. and tipping isn’t actually a factor in most cases.

  3. Rob

    Pete, were I the owner of a business, customer loyalty would be my bread and butter. With this webcomic, reader loyalty is what motivates us to keep going.
    As an employee in the service industry where you are payed minimum wage… loyalty does not earn my respect.

    Repeat customers who come with minimum amount of conversation and give one common courtesy (a la please and thank you) are fine. Polite friendly customers who come in regularly so that you know them on a personal level and a are a joy to serve… they are amazing. It’s the people who come in everyday and treat a service industry person like a second class citizen because they’ve somehow earned this “privilege” through their ritualistic consumption? I don’t think so. These people are sub-human to ever treat anyone with such a level of disrespect.

    Yes you may spend a lot of money at a business but never has that employee across from you been given any extra red cent to provide you with a level of service higher than any other customer.

    If you have a friendly outgoing customer service person treat you with great service and a positive attitude then you damn well respect them for it. Even if they barely make eye contact with you they still make the same as the next joe blow beside them. This person has made a choice to work at making your experience better.

  4. Terri

    Customer loyalty is one thing, but regulars come in and act like they own the place and that they deserve service before others who came in before them. I work as a waitress, and there is a huge difference between a regular and someone who comes in often and is a great customer. Regulars can go fuck off and find some other place to be a regular. The “ofteners” should come in more because they save me from stabbing people in the eye with my pen.

  5. Andrea

    I have too many stories to tell, but I think my favorite is of the repeat customer, HAS to have you as their server over anyone else in the restaurant, and then seems offended to be on the same level as you when you are being served in said restaurant… it’s a bit demeaning. And yes, there are those who are repeaters and thats no big deal, but THEN AGAIN the regulars are AWFUL… They are friends of the restaurant owners, they keep their wine in OUR wine cellar- so we don’t charge them for the wine, so their bill is practically nothing when they leave, yet I open and present, and I pour bottle after bottle, but do I make anything from said bottles? Nope. Nice job with the rant Rob.

  6. Ains

    A late reply- I agree. And having worked at Tim Hortons for oh about 8 years I could tell you pages upon pages about the great customers and the regulars who come in everyday and shit all over you because they haven’t had their coffee-
    But it gets worse, if you work in a call centre- and I don’t just mean outbound telemarketing annoying-you-during-dinner-to-sell-you-a-vaccuum… I mean inbound call centres where people call you, so you can help them. You get some real assholes, who tell you you are a good-for-nothing Indian and why can’t the jobs stay in North America where you belong (after which you say, I’m sorry sir, I’m actually in the same city as you, about 3 blocks away actually)… and they think because they don’t see you face to face, they have a right to treat you like you are the sole cause of everything wrong in the world…. and on the upside- you don’t usually get regulars so you don’t ahve to deal with the same a****** more than once… Right- sorry call centre rage!

    Long story short- be nice to the poor sap on the other end of the phone or the other side of the counter- because no one wants spit in their coffee 🙂

  7. Richar-Michael

    Sorry to bother you about this, but I’m trying to create a “blog” only section on my site:

    I can’t find any info in the forum, but I noticed that you have one on your site. Do I have to make a second comic press internally, or is there another way.


    PS. Just started reading the comic, love it!

    PSS. I tried to send an e-mail, but it went all wonky. I’m on dreamhost, too!

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